Our German Shepherd, Ella, has a bladder the size of a peanut. Either that or last night she simply wanted us to be awake with her. She woke me up at 3:30 a.m., 4:30 a.m., 5:30 and finally 7:10 a.m. I was ready to wring her neck because Steve really needs his sleep and besides, who the heck wants to be awakened four times in the early morning hours just so the dog can go pee (or chase smells in the back yard)? Not this girl!!
Once awake I could not, for the life of me, go back to sleep. My brain was turned on and just would not stop thinking about the future without my sweetheart. When Ella woke me up at 7:10 I gave up on getting any sleep so I grabbed Darla and the three of us went outside.
It had rained during the night. The ground was wet and muddy; the air was misty, damp and cool. Usually the birds that hang around our home during the spring, summer and autumn are missing at this time of year, but when we walked out onto the driveway, the first thing I heard was the trilling of our birds. The happy chirping sounds that Steve and I love to listen to every morning just broke me. I stood in the center of the yard and bawled. How many more days would we get to listen to our favorite sounds together? How soon would I be listening to them alone? At that point, I chose to take my own advice and, in the moment, thanked God for allowing me to hear the birds this morning because that meant that Steve would get to listen to them when he awoke! That little moment of joy lasted not much longer that that single moment but it helped…a bit.
After the 7:10 potty break, the pups and I returned inside. Not wanting to disturb Steve a fourth time, I just wrapped in myself in my quilt and curled up on our leather sofa. Every thought of Steve made me cry. I guess it’s just going to be a weepy kind of day.
People say that these bouts of tears are normal but I can honestly say that I am not a fan.
Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; Yes, our God is merciful. The Lord preserves the simple; I was brought low, and He saved me. Return to your rest, O my soul, For the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. For You have delivered my soul from death, My eyes from tears, And my feet from falling. (Psalms 116:5-8 NKJV)